INSIDE

The weatherman called for a 90% chance of rain all day. For added misery, the temperature was supposed to drop to the low 40's by days end. Did I mention that I am a mailman? I was relieved that today was my day off. I stopped writing and recording in the study just a few moments ago to come make myself some lunch. The rain is still coming down.

My nature has always been the outdoorsy type. And when it's sunny outside, I want to be outside. But a day like today is better suited for something indoors. So I've been in my study all morning tooling around with some tunes that I've written. One song in particular I am working on now trying to find that right feel, that right rhythm, that right something to let this song stand on its own. Sometimes this process is more work than at others. If you want songs to all sound the same, then you can skip this process entirely. But something as simple as nuance, lyric choice, chord pattern, or melody can make or break a song.

While the sun is not shining, I will take this chance and use this opportunity to write, to make music, and compose. Who knows when I'll get this"indoor" day again?

EMPTYNESS-T

I can't tell you how many times I've sat here looking out my front window.  Thinking.  This is where my laptop stays---for the most part.  Since I rarely take it with me anywhere, it sits in my study and, by such placement, offers me a vantage point to the street outside. 

It's a great view, but nothing ever happens on this cul-de-sac.  The only cars coming down the street are the neighbors or the odd delivery vehicle.  Just to my east is a guy who works from home so the FedEx van visits there quite often.  There is an older couple that lives up the hill on the end.  Next to them is a retired single man with his dog who faithfully accompanies him on long daily walks.  I see them sometimes half-way to town.  He has a lot of time on his hands and the dog seems to love it.  To my left is a couple, kind of like us, with one child grown and out of the house and one still in school.  The single lady who moved in across the street has a twelve-year-old son who plays the saxophone and rides his motorcycle all around their adjoining pond, woods and two acre lot.  I seem to know my neighbors well enough, but like I said before, nothing ever happens on this cul-de-sac.  Not anymore.

Perhaps the gloom creeps in mostly when I think about the hot bed of activity our house was when the girls were still at home.  There was always band, choir, softball, soccer, church and school projects to keep us hopping.  I say "us" because parents play a strong role in all of these if you haven't heard.  We've lived so vicariously through our kids that by the time they are out on their own, we don't know how to live our own lives once again.  Things slow way down and the house seems very empty. 

Maybe that's it.  That's the culprit that won't come out of hiding and be identified.  Empty nest is a condition that deceptively hangs around longer than you first thought.  One, maybe two years and I'll have this thing licked, you say.  Then suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear laughter from a neighbor kid down the block and this happy sound echoes more vacantly than it should.  That is when you know for the hundredth time that your tiny window has passed.  That is when fears of irrelevance steal in.

It takes courage and strong will to let go of such thoughts and shape instead a future built on reality and hope.  The time is now and what is past is confidently sealed up in the trust that you raised them right and now they are soaring on into adulthood.  If you are a parent and not quite here yet, make the most of what is in front of you now.  If you are a parent and nodding your head with everything I have said---strong will and courage to us all. 

THE BOOK NOOK

A couple of years ago my father-in-law gave me what remained of his pastor library. After being a minister for over thirty years, he had amassed quite a collection. What I found interesting about these theology books is that, no matter what generation they were written, many are still relevant. Books that address the condition and nature of the human heart never go out of style. And now many of them sit on shelves in my study.

I guess that's why I like coming in here. Whether I am sitting and reading or researching and writing, this room has become a sanctuary to me. When I look at the books on the shelf, I know I am surrounded by hundreds of authors representing a thousand or more years of experience. Experience gleaned from countless hours of prayer, meditation and deep thought. Experience cultivated from the reality of broken hearts, hopeful dreams and divine inspiration. This is the real stuff.

I am reminded of that great cloud of witnesses. Men of great wisdom---whose life down here ran out of days---are living still through every prayerful word and Spirit-inspired thought. And I cannot help but sense that my own voice in this world is carried to a future generation on the generous wings of a past one.